How to Talk to Girls

Today, as I surreptitiously searched the internet for pictures of what the Obama women were wearing, I felt a little uncomfortable. I was at work, and couldn't watch the inauguration, so I was listening to it on NPR and I was just DYING to see Michelle's new bangs. Michelle Obama is so much more than the gown she wore to the inauguration (Jason Wu!) and yet that's one of the first things I wanted to see.

I rarely give a damn about what the men are wearing, and it's not just because I prefer women. Men's clothing hasn't changed much in the last 50 or so years. Sure, the lapels get wider, the ties get skinnier, and sometimes there's a different color shirt, but really - who cares?  Once in a while you'll see something outrageous on the runway - a MAN wearing a DRESS (SHOCKER) for example. But that rarely has a trickle-down effect.

Women's clothing is infinitely variable, and driven, I would wager, almost entirely by the garment industry. (Here I'm drawing almost entirely on the Costume History class that I took almost 20 years ago and didn't exactly ace) But fashion used to be driven primarily by function - so, especially in peasant or servant classes, the clothing changed very little over hundreds of years.

But despite my own interest in fashion - and it's that of a witness, certainly not as a participant - I'm really not comfortable with how quickly and easily it reduces women to how they look. And where I find this especially disturbing is in the effect it has on little girls.


I happened upon this interesting article on HuffPost today - it was written almost two years ago - and it neatly sums up that challenge.

I find myself doing this - talking to little girls about how they look. She's right, it's the standard icebreaker. Little girls, for the most part, think a lot about what they are wearing. I've seen this manifest in absolutely awesome ways - one of my nieces went out wearing jeans, a tutu, a t-shirt, sparkly shoes, and a mismatched cardigan a few years ago. I was jealous! She so clearly put on what she felt like wearing, and I found myself wishing I could do the same. But at some point, that unself-conscious dressing for oneself becomes dressing for other people.

And that's where it all breaks down for me. I know I'm about to sound like a RAVING liberal (hide your children! You don't want them thinking!) but when we reduce conversations with women and girls to what they are wearing, not only do we diminish them, we also miss out on the opportunity to talk to them about what they're thinking.

I'm thinking about this even more because I have nieces who are nearing those dangerous ages - ages when they become all-consumed with their bodies and their looks. I have one niece especially who is really struggling right now - whether she realizes it or not. She's dangerously consumed with appearing sexy. And I can't help but wonder how things could have been different for her. Are the messages of the media so pervasive that no amount of parenting can prevent a child from this kind of self-hate?

I got a review the other day from a woman who was very upset that the writing on something she ordered was hot pink instead of red, as she thought it would be. She said she wouldn't give it to her sons because it had pink writing on it. I've read other reviews from people upset that a heart-shaped charm on a new baby ornament was PINK on a BOY ornament. It made me wonder - do boys really naturally not like pink? Do girls really naturally like pink? Or, when a girl sees pink and wants pink, do we ooh and ahh and encourage her with pink feathers and tiaras and tutus and bedspreads and socks and sequins? And when a boy sees pink and wants pink, do we tell him "pink is for girls" and hand him a red and yellow truck?

I could get really off-topic here, and start talking about the psychology of color, but I'll save that for another post. For now, I'll continue to wonder if my obsession with Project Runway enables a society in which women will continue to be judged on their looks, and men will continue to be judged on their ideas.

Holiday Dressing

I still don't know what to wear to the holiday party on Saturday. I always think I am going to come up with something bold and fabulous and jaw-dropping and then ... I don't. I also always think that I am going to lose weight, and get highlights, and whiten my teeth, and get a pedicure. Then I get really anxious about the fact that I don't weigh 120 pounds and I don't have white teeth and, on one toe, I still have the remnants of toenail polish from my last pedicure in July. 

I'll probably panic the entire week about it, spend all day Saturday throwing clothes and fabric and jewelry around, then break down crying about an hour before we are supposed to leave and decide not to go. Jules will get fed up, pull something out of the closet, and tell me to put it on. I'll argue with her about not having the right underwear, shoes, or eyeshadow until she tells me that she's leaving in an hour with or without me. 

I'll spend the next hour working on my makeup and hair, change clothes, shoes, and jewelry three more times, and try to cram every jewelry item I own, four lipsticks, a spare pair of shoes, and a bottle of wine into my purse. Jules will point out that they will have booze at the party, that I don't need a spare pair of shoes, and that I have a perfectly lovely wristlet that I bought for the express purpose of "going out" - a phrase she will have to explain to me - and that it has room for some cash, one lipstick, and my ID. Since I have never been in a situation where I think I can get by with  some cash, one lipstick, and my ID, said wristlet still has the tags on it.

(I once read something that said you should be wary of girls who carry big purses. Girls with a big purses think they always need to be prepared for everything because they are completely incapable of knowing in the morning what they might do or where they might go that day, and why would you want to be involved with that kind of chaos? I tried not to take it personally and cleaned out my purse the next day... but really, if a purse isn't big enough to carry a knitting project or two, what's the point?)  

After cramming two lipsticks, a lipliner, a compact, eye drops, my ID, my phone, some cash, ibuprofen, gum, and an instant coffee packet into the wristlet, I will try to convince Jules that we need to stop at Macy’s on the way so I can buy a different wristlet. She will, rightly, object. I will change clothes three more times while scheming how to get my knitting bag, a spare pair of shoes, and my Kindle into the car without Jules noticing.

Five minutes before we leave, Jules will dampen and comb her hair, brush her teeth, and throw on a sweater.
She will be hit on five times before we even get to the party.

Maybe I should just start drinking now. 

Anniversary Dress

Here's the second dress made for Yvonne! This was made for her (new) husband's parents 40th Wedding Anniversary Celebration. I had every intention of taking pictures at the final fitting... but we ended up doing it at my (day) job while I was on my 30-minute lunch break, and snapping photos was the last thing on my mind... So I adjusted a strap, added another little ruched detail at the hem, and sent her on her way. Whew!

She's promised me pics, but until then, here are a few process shots:

This is the underdress. Isn't it pretty? I almost hated to cover it up with the burgundy embroidered rayon. The front piece of the skirt was draped on the bias. I wanted it to skim over the baby belly without adding extra bulk, so I cut the underskirt differently from the overskirt. I don't know if this was a stroke of brilliance or just plain insanity.



And then the overdress. The front was draped in one piece. Again, I didn't want to add unnecessary bulk by putting a seam there. And, again, this may have been a stroke of brilliance or sheer madness.



And here's the detail of the side ruching. (Please ignore the TOTAL DISASTER that is my sewing room. I can't figure out if I am seriously overestimating my abilities or seriously underestimating the amount of time it takes to do things.)



What I will say is that I'm kind of impressed with myself. Between Jessica's Wedding Dress (I just searched my blog and realized that I NEVER posted pictures of this. I wonder if it's because I'm STILL WAITING for the reception photos. [HINT HINT]) So here's a process pic of her wedding dress:



That was ... hmmm... early 2008. MAJOR undertaking. One-of-a-kind, original design, all of the bodice draping was done in one piece, etc etc... Then there was Yvonne's wedding dress, which was a simpler design, but still one-of-a-kind and, again, created entirely by ME. And then the dress above. Each of these dresses has been different, some more difficult than others, but each presented different design challenges and different fabric challenges.

So I guess -- I'm proud of myself? I didn't take draping in college, I muddled along and got some pointers here and there, but most of the time I find myself on a collision course with a deadline and, truth be told, NO FUCKING CLUE what I'm doing. (Scary, no? Notice I don't mention this until AFTER deadlines are met) But I guess I've picked a few things up along the way, because -- SUCCESS! Right? I mean, these dresses look pretty good, don't they?

And I don't want to admit this in a public forum, because I'm presenting myself as a professional, (and I am, dammit!!) But I'm committed to PROCESS and, especially, learning from process. So I want to get on here and admit the mistakes I made. Admit that in one point during the draping of the anniversary dress, I thought that I could drape the underdress in one piece, and that the pleats forming the bust could drape into pleats for the baby belly. Here's a pic:



It's a mess, isn't it? Because it doesn't work that way. And I didn't know that (which is why we drape in muslin!) But I know it now - and not only that, but I UNDERSTAND it now. And I believe that there's a lot of value in that!

So I'll continue being honest. That's ok, right?