Mask Update (and perfectionism)

I have been working on these masks for a long, long time. (See previous post about them)

Yeah. That's a long time. I do them in a sort of "assembly-line" fashion, so once they get to the finishing point, I'll have about 20 all at once.

The reason they haven't gotten to that point yet? I'm a perfectionist at every step of the way. Currently I'm stumped by this guy, because there is still evidence that human hands have touched his face. (He's nowhere near completion, btw, but if more sanding and shaping needs to be done on the lower half of his face, it needs to be done before doing anything else)

Here's part of the problem: I've tried to compare them to similar masks out there. Most of these that I've been able to handle, however, are mass-produced. They are perfectly symmetrical. Mine start life as an actual human face. I cast a mold from that face, make a positive from that mold, then sculpt a clay shape OVER the face positive. After that, I make a negative, then paper-mache into the negative, remove it, trim it, sand it, cut the eyeholes, gesso, and then... you get to where I am now, where at this point I've spent so much time on them, I can see every single imperfection, no matter how tiny. I've completely lost perspective.

And I can't tell if I am being OCD, or simply professional. Are the little imperfections charming, or amateurish? Keep in mind that I intend to sell these in the range of $50-$150. This guy here would probably start at around $75. I can't justify asking that unless I'm convinced that it's worth it. But I also can't spend hundreds of hours on each mask if I'm selling them for around a hundred bucks. It's not logical. (Not that I've ever been accused of being logical...)

So, comment away. And if you don't want to comment, I've added a poll on the right sidebar over there. Just vote! Early and often.

The H.R.G. Files, and fear of failure

If I didn't already love Jack Coleman, I would after reading his blog. This in particular caught my eye:

"It's simple really: fear of failure is crippling. You see it in all aspects of life. The great ones go for it and let the chips fall where they may. The perfectionist can be throttled by the voice in his head that considers the consequences of failing. "

My life mission is to let go of that perfectionist streak, the parts of it that grip me so hard that I don't even try. I want to be GREAT. I want my greatness to be talked about. I want to be profiled in Entertainment Design Magazine, right next to Mona May and Debra McGuire.

Over and over again, I practice my acceptance speech for my Indie Spirit Award for a little darling of a movie, one that I maybe even got paid for. I fantasize about being interviewed by the LA Times or Threads or Etsy or hell, even Rhubarb Marmalade (just kidding, Sara!).

I was watching a basketball game, right after Candace Parker dunked in a game for the second time. I wish I could remember who was commentating, it may have been Carolyn Peck, but I'm really not sure. She was talking about how many women dunk in practice, but don't do it during games, and theorizing that it's because women are afraid of looking foolish if they miss, whereas men don't care.

I bristled at this for several reasons. One, I started wondering why women would be "afraid" of looking foolish. But it's not too hard to surmise. For one thing, female ballers already get their share of crap about not playing as well as men, or not trying to play like men, or trying too hard to play like men, or not being as interesting or worthy or blah blah blah as men. Case in point, this idiotic article by Melissa Rohlin about why she doesn't watch women's basketball. (And for a well-reasoned, impassioned response, read what Diana Taurasi has to say.)

And for every mistake a woman makes on the court, there are dozens of people eager to collect them and post them on YouTube, along with some sarcastic remark about "women playing as well as men." (Sure, the men have their blooper reels, but no one uses them as a reason NOT to watch the NBA.)

Now you may be wondering, "Why this digression into womens basketball, Kelly Marie?"

One word: FEARLESSNESS. Watch Diana Taurasi, Candice Wiggins, or Katie Smith play. There's no second-guessing that layup. No beating yourself up after missing a shot. (well maybe a little.) No trash talk for anyone but the other team. It's just PLAY. Play hard. Train hard. Practice hard.

So back to the perfectionist thing, and fear of failure, and basketball metaphors. You don't make the WNBA First Team by being afraid to shoot the ball. You don't get the Sixth Woman of the Year Award by whinging about not starting.

So the challenge for me is, to use the phrase popularized by Nike: "Just do it." Or, to put it more elegantly, (if overused as well) "Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it."

Um. Right?