Bulletin Board

Homasote.http://www.homasote.com/ Say it, you know you want to.

I learned about homasote when I was working at La Jolla Playhouse and they had big pieces of it screwed to the walls. It's sold as soundproofing material but it is amazing as a pinboard. It's nice and thick, pins push easily into it (with a very satisfying crushing sensation) and it is CHEAP.

It was a little bit difficult to find, however. It's easy to order in bulk, but since it comes in 8'x4' sheets, you don't actually need a lot of it. I went to several of my local home improvement warehouses before finally finding it at the enormous Home Depot on Balboa Avenue. (This is my favorite Home Depot. Is it weird to have a favorite Home Depot? I don't care.) Not every HD carries it, so I had to hunt around, and for some reason I thought it was easier to drive to each of these places than to search on the internet to see what each store carries. Or, I may just like going to home improvement warehouses.

So I drove the Prius to the Home Depot, forgetting that I was going to try to fit an 8'x4' sheet of wobbly material into it. Luckily, the guy in the cutting center agreed to cut it in half for me. He was hesitant, because there are certain things they aren't supposed to cut because of toxins or something (I wasn't really paying attention, I was just trying to figure out how I was going to get it into my car, but it turns out it's non-toxic anyway) but when I started brainstorming about buying a utility knife in the store to cut it myself or driving 20 minutes back to my house to get the truck, he relented. I may have played the woman card, so that came in handy.

I think I paid about twelve bucks for it.

Anyway, I brought it home, and it sat in my studio for about nine months, and then everything came out of the studio so we could build the addition. So then it sat in the garage for another six months, and I finally dragged it out today.

The other thing I bought when I was fantasizing about this magical pinnable wall space was burlap coffee sacks.

I got them at this wonderful local coffee roaster in Barrio Logan called Cafe Moto. They are one of our favorite raosters, they're solar-powered, they're local, they're friendly, and you should go get coffee there right now.

Anyway, when I saw these burlap coffee bags, I knew I needed to do something with them.They sell them for a dollar a bag. They usually have a pile of about 40 in the back room and I dug through them and pulled out the ones with the best art and colors. I really only needed, but I may have ended up buying about half a dozen. Then Bugatti claimed them, so I had to go back and buy more.

Head, Shoulders, - that's all, just head and shoulders

I haven't been blogging here much, because I've been blogging more on our other blog, CoSar Casa, about the addition we're building. But when I sat down to try to finish up one of the three drafts I'm working on about building the addition, this is what came out, and it makes more sense on this blog. To me, anyway.

I've been having some minor neck and shoulder pain for a couple of weeks. Part of this is that we're buying things for the addition (like cabinets and sinks and garbage disposals) and I am trying to load and unload and lug these things around myself. A few times we've had contractors at the house and I've let them lug things for me, but mostly I'm trying to do it myself. And this renovation thing? I don't know if anyone has told you, BUT IT'S STRESSFUL. Add to it that I'm working on a very physically demanding show at the moment.

Dressing a show is a weird gig. There are shows where you go in, fold laundry, maybe fix a snap or track down a sock, wave at the actors as they go onstage, and then wash laundry at the end of the night.

Then there are the shows where you go in, fold laundry, preset lots of heavy costumes, run nonstop for two hours lifting and carrying and hooking and unhooking and crawling and running and putting wigs on and taking wigs off and then you carry lots of heavy laundry down a flight of stairs and then you do lots of hand-washing and hang heavy things that are now even more heavy because they're WET and, well, those shows are a little more exhausting. Robin Hood is one of those shows. The actors are lovely (really, I've only worked with lovely people, so I am damn lucky) but it's one of the most physically demanding shows I've ever worked.

For those of you who need video or pictures to break up all this text, here's an interesting video of Kelli O'Hara's quick change during the Tonys.

When I got up Sunday morning to get ready for work, I was having a hard time swallowing because of the pain in my neck. But I jumped in the shower to get ready for work anyway. Then I couldn't wash my hair because a) I couldn't raise my left arm above my head and b) the pressure of my right hand applying shampoo to my head was intensely painful. I sent an email to my boss and let Jules take me to urgent care. (which she'd wanted to do on Friday, and on Saturday...) I thought I might have meningitis or that I was having a stroke. But mostly I thought it was lockjaw.

I was pretty sure it was lockjaw.

When I found out it was "just a muscle strain", I wanted to go to work and power through it. Jules was so mad at me. The doctor and the nurse kept telling me they could write me a note and I shouldn't go back for a few days. I kept saying, "You don't understand, it's not that kind of job."

OH THE GUILT.

So we picked up the prescribed muscle relaxers and went to get some food. We had to leave the restaurant because I was in too much pain to swallow. I continued to argue with Jules about whether or not I could make it through a two-show day.

Finally Jules told me that if I wanted to go to work, fine, but she wasn't going to drive me there.

Jules: Just take a muscle relaxer and go home and knit.

Me: I can't knit, it's too painful.

Jules: AND YOU WANTED TO GO TO WORK?!

So we went home. And I processed through the 21 stages of guilt. (I don't know if there are 21 stages of guilt. I think it's more like four stages on repeat.)

Guilt: They can't do it without me.

Fear: What if they find out they CAN do it without me?

Self-loathing: Anyone can do this. You're not that special.

Shame: If you ate better/exercised more/lost weight/drank less, this wouldn't have happened in the first place.

Guilt: now Beverly is going to have to do it. Beverly has too much to do already. 

Fear: What if Beverly finds out it's not that hard?

Self-loathing: It's not that hard. You're being a drama queen. Starved for attention much?

Finally I took another muscle relaxer and fell asleep for six hours.

I woke up to an email from Beverly letting me know that the world did not end by virtue of her running my track.

BUT WAIT! Now I'm feeling guilty because if I'd actually admitted to someone how much pain I was in on say, Friday or Saturday, Someone could have shadowed me and it would have been a lot easier for them to take my track on Sunday. Or they could have helped me with the heavy lifting (literally. Some of those costumes weigh at least 30 pounds) and the pain wouldn't have gotten as bad in the first place.

The moral of the story? I guess that I shouldn't be so hard on myself. That it's okay to ask for help. That I don't have to be a martyr to be liked and appreciated and valued.

Jules will tell you that the moral of the story is that she's right, and I'm wrong, and I should listen to her. Don't listen to her, she has an agenda. It involves me being kind to myself, and me making her cookies. Primarily the former, but don't underestimate the cookies.

A Little History, aka Where I've Been the Last Five Years

To follow up on my last post about my refusal to make any New Year's Resolutions other than "Be Kind to Yourself", I thought I should mention some of my goals.

First, some history. I worked on my first feature film, The Tailor, in 2005. I was smitten, and moved to LA to pursue film. (Side note: in 2010, an unscrupulous production company picked it up for a song, re-edited it, named it Gunfight at Yuma which has nothing to do with the storyline, and is apparently making money on it; but for a variety of reasons, primarily with regards to their lack of scruples, none of us who worked on it originally are making any money on this. But the costumes are AWESOME.)

My most well-known project was a Star Wars fan fic film called Forced Alliance, which can be seen here or here. I did extras costuming and also costumed the bartender and waitresses characters. I also did not get paid for this film, but the crew and actors were among the best I ever worked with.

After some ups and downs in the film industry, I sustained a serious back injury while on location for a really bad movie that I was costume designing. I was unable to walk more than two or three steps at a time for about three weeks. I had no health insurance and no savings, and the inability to walk made getting another job difficult.

Shortly after that, the awesome house I was renting in Echo Park went into foreclosure, unbeknownst to me and my roommates. The landlord disappeared with all of the rent money that she'd been collecting from us for the preceding year, and we were all given eviction notices by the mortgage company.

My best friend at the time (now my wife) was there for me through all of this turmoil. I was out of places to go, decided to move in with her for a while to get back on my feet, BECAUSE I LITERALLY COULDN'T WALK.

When I finally healed enough, I took a job in a call center to try to make some money while I figured out what to do next. I liked the people and the product, and I worked my way up in the company, eventually ending up in the Merchandising department.

I really, really loved my job in the Merchandising department. I was good at it, I was challenged, I loved the people I worked with, and I had the best boss ever.

Things changed, as they always do. My boss moved to Baltimore and her replacement was a bitter, angry, backstabbing, jealous, miserable human being who made my life sheer hell until finally I quit. I think that if I was less passionate, more able to deflect her pettiness, less impacted by being given decreasingly less responsibility, and better able to play the game, I might have stayed. But I've never been good at hiding my emotions, and it was a roller coaster until I finally quit.



In the middle of all of that, The Girl and I got married legally in California, and shortly after that, DOMA was overturned, making it easier for us to take care of each other, and overall making us feel more supported and secure as a couple.

Another side note: Marriage is AWESOME. There's a whole post about how amazing it felt to finally be married after having been engaged for three years and constantly worrying about our legal rights as a couple. And then there's another post about how terrific it is to be married to your best friend. And then there's another post about how much you and your spouse can annoy each other at times.






ANYWAY. I found a job in the merchandising department at another company, but it wasn't the same. I was doing work that required little creativity, was prohibited from making changes or improvements even in MY OWN DAMN WORKFLOW, and I was raked over the coals for every mistake, no matter how large or small. I was completely miserable and stressed out. At the same time, my wife was promoted, with more responsibility, a little bit more money, and a lot more stress in her job.

After long discussions and multiple attempts to make things work at my place of employment, my wife urged me to quit and find a way to do what I'd always wanted to do - as soon as I figured out what that was. She was making enough money to cover the bills, and we were almost completely out of debt (excepting student loans which, I believe, go on forever.)

So, in May of 2015, I quit again. For a while I was doing some writing for an SEO company that paid per word. It was fun, but for a perfectionist like me, not exactly lucrative. I'm also working on a novel, because goddess forbid I focus on one thing at a time.

I relaunched my etsy shop in the fall, and thanks to the lovely and amazing Katrina Walker, who uses one of my hams in some of her Craftsy classes, I've had a lot of interest in my hand-made pressing hams and seam rolls, and so I'm trying to focus on that. (BTW, she is an AMAZING educator and you should absolutely take one or all of her classes, either online or, if you're really lucky, in-person! You'll even see one of my hams used in her classes on Craftsy, because I am the luckiest person in the world)

So that's where I am now. I've had a lot of interest and I've had some good weeks on etsy, but I'm nowhere near being able to pay bills or do much more than buy groceries with the money I am making. My biggest challenge is the enormous amount of time it takes to make a single ham, contrasted with the amount of money I think people are willing to pay for one. I am working on ways to streamline the process while coming up with new ideas that I hope will be appealing to people.

Now it's a new year, and it's been over six months since I quit my day job. I thought I would have things figured out by now! I've been doing more sewing, more knitting, and more cooking and baking, but haven't made any of that profitable yet. It's s little frustrating, and I'm starting to really miss having a paycheck, but I'm still hoping to find the intersection of art and commerce that satisfies me.

Next post: my plans for the coming year. Probably. Unless I get sidetracked by something else which is always a possibility.

Happy New Year!

I know a lot of people make resolutions this time of year, and I swore to myself that I wouldn't make resolutions. They're always the same, and I never seem to make them realistic or specific enough to accomplish them.

Instead, I'm making one resolution this year: to be kind to myself.

In theory, being kind to myself could be construed to cover all of the other resolutions I might make. You could say that, to be kind to myself, I would lose weight to improve my health and comfort. You could say that cleaning the kitchen daily would make me feel better about my home. You could say that having a consistent yoga practice would be kind to my body, and watching less TV would be kind to my creativity. You could say all of that, and you would be right, for the most part. But really, I beat up on myself too much, so I don't want to make resolutions that I'm just going to berate myself for not keeping.

I'm just going to be kind to myself.

I'm still going to make some goals. Simple things, like knitting something for myself, experimenting on my new loom, and learning how to use a DSLR.

I'm going to make some business goals, too, like getting a certain amount of things listed on etsy, getting a resellers license in CA, and refreshing my branding.

But if I don't get all of that accomplished, or if I don't accomplish it in quite the way I imagined, or with the perfection I demand from myself, I'm going to try to remind myself that my only resolution this year is to be kind to myself. And instead of berating myself for not accomplishing a "resolution", maybe I'll go get some ice cream. Or go for a walk. Or call someone who makes me feel good about myself. Or eat a bowl of cereal and binge-watch The Gilmore Girls.

That's it. That's all. Just be kind to myself.

Be kind to yourself, too.

How to Talk to Girls

Today, as I surreptitiously searched the internet for pictures of what the Obama women were wearing, I felt a little uncomfortable. I was at work, and couldn't watch the inauguration, so I was listening to it on NPR and I was just DYING to see Michelle's new bangs. Michelle Obama is so much more than the gown she wore to the inauguration (Jason Wu!) and yet that's one of the first things I wanted to see.

I rarely give a damn about what the men are wearing, and it's not just because I prefer women. Men's clothing hasn't changed much in the last 50 or so years. Sure, the lapels get wider, the ties get skinnier, and sometimes there's a different color shirt, but really - who cares?  Once in a while you'll see something outrageous on the runway - a MAN wearing a DRESS (SHOCKER) for example. But that rarely has a trickle-down effect.

Women's clothing is infinitely variable, and driven, I would wager, almost entirely by the garment industry. (Here I'm drawing almost entirely on the Costume History class that I took almost 20 years ago and didn't exactly ace) But fashion used to be driven primarily by function - so, especially in peasant or servant classes, the clothing changed very little over hundreds of years.

But despite my own interest in fashion - and it's that of a witness, certainly not as a participant - I'm really not comfortable with how quickly and easily it reduces women to how they look. And where I find this especially disturbing is in the effect it has on little girls.


I happened upon this interesting article on HuffPost today - it was written almost two years ago - and it neatly sums up that challenge.

I find myself doing this - talking to little girls about how they look. She's right, it's the standard icebreaker. Little girls, for the most part, think a lot about what they are wearing. I've seen this manifest in absolutely awesome ways - one of my nieces went out wearing jeans, a tutu, a t-shirt, sparkly shoes, and a mismatched cardigan a few years ago. I was jealous! She so clearly put on what she felt like wearing, and I found myself wishing I could do the same. But at some point, that unself-conscious dressing for oneself becomes dressing for other people.

And that's where it all breaks down for me. I know I'm about to sound like a RAVING liberal (hide your children! You don't want them thinking!) but when we reduce conversations with women and girls to what they are wearing, not only do we diminish them, we also miss out on the opportunity to talk to them about what they're thinking.

I'm thinking about this even more because I have nieces who are nearing those dangerous ages - ages when they become all-consumed with their bodies and their looks. I have one niece especially who is really struggling right now - whether she realizes it or not. She's dangerously consumed with appearing sexy. And I can't help but wonder how things could have been different for her. Are the messages of the media so pervasive that no amount of parenting can prevent a child from this kind of self-hate?

I got a review the other day from a woman who was very upset that the writing on something she ordered was hot pink instead of red, as she thought it would be. She said she wouldn't give it to her sons because it had pink writing on it. I've read other reviews from people upset that a heart-shaped charm on a new baby ornament was PINK on a BOY ornament. It made me wonder - do boys really naturally not like pink? Do girls really naturally like pink? Or, when a girl sees pink and wants pink, do we ooh and ahh and encourage her with pink feathers and tiaras and tutus and bedspreads and socks and sequins? And when a boy sees pink and wants pink, do we tell him "pink is for girls" and hand him a red and yellow truck?

I could get really off-topic here, and start talking about the psychology of color, but I'll save that for another post. For now, I'll continue to wonder if my obsession with Project Runway enables a society in which women will continue to be judged on their looks, and men will continue to be judged on their ideas.

Holiday Dressing

I still don't know what to wear to the holiday party on Saturday. I always think I am going to come up with something bold and fabulous and jaw-dropping and then ... I don't. I also always think that I am going to lose weight, and get highlights, and whiten my teeth, and get a pedicure. Then I get really anxious about the fact that I don't weigh 120 pounds and I don't have white teeth and, on one toe, I still have the remnants of toenail polish from my last pedicure in July. 

I'll probably panic the entire week about it, spend all day Saturday throwing clothes and fabric and jewelry around, then break down crying about an hour before we are supposed to leave and decide not to go. Jules will get fed up, pull something out of the closet, and tell me to put it on. I'll argue with her about not having the right underwear, shoes, or eyeshadow until she tells me that she's leaving in an hour with or without me. 

I'll spend the next hour working on my makeup and hair, change clothes, shoes, and jewelry three more times, and try to cram every jewelry item I own, four lipsticks, a spare pair of shoes, and a bottle of wine into my purse. Jules will point out that they will have booze at the party, that I don't need a spare pair of shoes, and that I have a perfectly lovely wristlet that I bought for the express purpose of "going out" - a phrase she will have to explain to me - and that it has room for some cash, one lipstick, and my ID. Since I have never been in a situation where I think I can get by with  some cash, one lipstick, and my ID, said wristlet still has the tags on it.

(I once read something that said you should be wary of girls who carry big purses. Girls with a big purses think they always need to be prepared for everything because they are completely incapable of knowing in the morning what they might do or where they might go that day, and why would you want to be involved with that kind of chaos? I tried not to take it personally and cleaned out my purse the next day... but really, if a purse isn't big enough to carry a knitting project or two, what's the point?)  

After cramming two lipsticks, a lipliner, a compact, eye drops, my ID, my phone, some cash, ibuprofen, gum, and an instant coffee packet into the wristlet, I will try to convince Jules that we need to stop at Macy’s on the way so I can buy a different wristlet. She will, rightly, object. I will change clothes three more times while scheming how to get my knitting bag, a spare pair of shoes, and my Kindle into the car without Jules noticing.

Five minutes before we leave, Jules will dampen and comb her hair, brush her teeth, and throw on a sweater.
She will be hit on five times before we even get to the party.

Maybe I should just start drinking now. 

The Bathroom Post

Remember when, oh, a year ago, I said I was going to reno the bathroom?

Remember how I kept promising pictures of the finished product?

Remember The Saga of the Arch? You don't? OH. That's because I never blogged about it.


The Saga of the Arch
I hate medicine cabinets. I think they are incredibly ugly and just barely functional. I heard a rumor once about a functional and attractive medicine cabinet, but I don't believe it. So I ripped ours out, and decided to build a niche in its place. An ARCHED niche.

Hole left by medicine cabinet

using enormous knitting needles
to hold the arch shape

Framing out the shelves

It's so much harder than you think, unless you've done it, and also have more than the rudimentary carpentry skills that I have taught myself by trial and error (mostly error).

Also, and I don't know if you knew this, but - almost nothing in a house is ever really square.

using drywall tape

LOTS of drywall tape

to fill in the gaps

And if you're me, and are using a handsaw and a mitre box to cut your pieces, they're never, ever, ever going to fit into the not-square hole left by the medicine cabinet. So you just keep adding drywall tape and joint compound and drywall and little scraps of paint stirrers to fill in all the gaps and holes. and you just keep covering it with more drywall tape and joint compound.














And it's not square,
and it's not level,
and it's not flush with the plane of the wall. But at some point, you are tired of sanding, and plastering, and cursing, and you decide that you are DONE. DONE, I tell you!



And after you've decided that you are done, you STILL have to texture it, prime it, and paint it.




And after three or four months, you decide that it's kind of okay that the curve of the arch isn't exactly what you wish it was, and that the texture really does kind of match the texture on the rest of the walls, and that you might not notice so much that the shelves aren't perfect, and you might put some sweet little painted terra cotta birds in the tiny shelf that you realized afterwards wasn't really the right size for ANYTHING, and then really, really love the niche.



And then you realize that you have no storage in the bathroom.






So you buy two slightly damaged narrow kitchen cabinets in the clearance aisle at Lowe's, paint them black, connect them with some scraps of MDF and lots of screws and glue, and then realize that they are not going to screw into the studs on the wall. Ever.


So you go back to Lowe's, buy some 1x4, cut three pieces to span the studs, mitre the ends to make it look somewhat intentional or architecturally interesting or ANYTHING other than what it is, paint it back, screw it into the studs, and then screw the cabinets into the 1x4.





Don't look too closely, you will see EVERYTHING I did wrong, and also, everything else I did wrong.
But!

Cabinet!

With doors! 

Here's a wider shot with the light I hung. I can't begin to tell you how proud I am of installing that vanity light!!! I only almost electrocuted myself once.

(OH. You want to know about the "almost electrocuting"? Okay. FINE.)


You know how you're supposed to turn off the electricity before you do anything with lights? Well, so do I, but Jules was working from home that day and was right in the middle of something, so I had to wait. No problem. I'd ripped out the old, ugly light bar weeks earlier, and pulled off the mounting bracket. I wanted to see where I needed to hang the new mounting bracket and light and make sure it was centered and level. I figured I didn't need to disconnect the power for this step.

Unfortunately, I forgot that the outlet box STILL HAS ELECTRICITY RUNNING THROUGH IT and that there was a thick copper grounding wire hanging from the new light fixture. When I lifted the fixture to the wall, the copper wire scraped against the outlet box, shooting sparks everywhere and killing the circuit.

The smell was awful and, once I realized that I hadn't electrocuted myself, I shakily climbed down -- yeah, I forgot to mention that I was balancing precariously on the granite countertop -- and flipped the circuit back before Jules noticed that the power was out. Good thing she's wireless.


(Oh. Crap. But she also reads this blog. Sorry, babe. But look! No electrocution here, no sirree!)

So, that's the bathroom. It's not finished. I had planned to put up crown moulding and install a nice brushed nickel curtain rod with a nice shower curtain, and I was going to put a glass shelf under the arch, and I was going to paint the sink cabinet black and change the faucet, and do some kind of fancy thing to the switchplates with silver leaf and texture paint .

But I probably won't do any of that, because we're talking seriously about moving. So I figured I needed to post and brag (???!!!) while it was still slightly relevant.

Do you see what I see?

We rearranged the seating chart at work last week. Some of us got new team leads. Some of us got new desks. Some, including me, got both!

See that patch of blue, on the left side of the picture, behind that group of palm trees?

That would be the ocean.

UFO Update

(I have to apologize in advance for the formatting. Blogger makes me crazy. Editing is a pain in the ass and "Preview" is a total joke. So the layout here is kind of clunky, and I don't really understand why it's so freaking narrow. I'm sure it's fixable but quite frankly, I don't have the patience.)

I went to KnitNight at Clever Knits on Tuesday. (linked to their website, which has been having some problems lately, so don't blame me if the link doesn't work!)

I'm trying to be slightly more social and get out around other knitters. Otherwise I tend to get a little bit into my own head too much. The place was PACKED and it was kind of nice to sit quietly and listen to everyone talk.

I tried to resist, but I couldn't help but buy some of the gorgeous O-Wool in a scrumptious turqoise shade.

Then I signed up for their crochet class - I've been trying to teach myself to crochet but for some reason it is just not happening for me! I've never taken a knitting or crochet class, so this will be interesting! Of course I had to buy materials for the class - I wouldn't dream of using something I already have, that would make too much sense. I bought Cascade 220 in that delicious green you see on the left - (you can never have too much Cascade 220) - and a beautiful Brittany Crochet Hook. (note - Brittany needles and hooks are exquisitely beautiful. I can't get enough of them! They trade places with Lantern Moon as my favorite knitting needles. Well, and the Addi Turbos for lace. But that goes without saying.)

I only spent $40, which, considering my track record at yarn stores, is NOT BAD AT ALL.

The problem is, I have umpteen-dozen UnFinishedObjects (UFO's) on the needles that are dragging me down! So the goal here is to finish them in some kind of timely manner so that I can justify starting something new. Here's what I have.

SchoolTeacher Tie:



This is for my brother Robbie, who is starts (TEACHING!) school this fall. This is the skinny tie that will never end. I think I've been knitting on this for months! I only have about 3" to go, but those three inches of teeny-tiny stockinette stitches in the round seem like 3 miles. I tend to work on this in the car on the way to work. (and no, I'm not driving! That's just one of the many benefits of carpooling.)




Next on the list is a scarf for an unnamed SIL who loves anthropologie. Don't ask me how I know this, it could be because she mentions it on her blog on a regular basis. So I was looking and looking for a scarf pattern that would be anthropologistic. I think I downloaded about a dozen scarf patterns before deciding on this one. I chose it because the pattern was supposed to be fast, fun, and it used bulky yarn, which means done faster!!! Unless you run out of yarn. Which I did.



And here's another mystery project for another family member. This was going to be a Christmas present LAST year, but you can see how well that's going:



I have another half-dozen or so almost-finished, finished but I want to rip them out, finished except for the blocking, and finished but I hate it and don't know what to do with it project. (okay, now that I think about it, it's closer to two dozen.)

Before I go, (likely to start a new project entirely, let's be realistic here) I leave you with a gratuitous cat pic of Bugatti, caught in a rare moment when she's NOT trying to kill someone (she just looks like she wants to.)

The following is a list, written down in the order in which it occurred to me, of things that I think I need to accomplish today:

clean bathroom
vacuum
empty car at storage
take car to shop
clean and organize closet
take extranneous shelves to storage
take footboard to storage
wrap/cover bulletin board with pretty fabric
install file drawers in bookcase
empty silver odds-and-ends bin
design/install jewelry storage solution
hang lights in closet
paint masks
make cute hair things for nieces
finish various UFO's for various belated birthdays
hem Jules' jeans
melt & pour beeswax thread conditioner for etsy shop
melt & pour recycled candle wax for etsy shop
stuff hams for etsy shop
re-photograph everything in etsy shop
photograph everything else for etsy shop
cover and install switchplates
plan meals and make grocery list for work week
laundry
blog
get eyebrows waxed
finish frame for a/c units & weatherstrip
organize tool closet & clean pantry
plants
go to Upholstery Fabric Outlook to look at upholstery fabric
buy crochet hooks
learn to crochet
crochet cute washcloths
reupholster office chair
hang shelves in various places
buy a new bra
plan my new career
teach myself how to spin
paint the sink cabinet in the bathroom
install tip-out shelves in kitchen and bathroom
go to Lowe's to buy tip-out shelves for kitchen and bathroom


Considering that at least 30% of these could be all-day projects (hell, considering that just going to a fabric store could be an all-day project!) I'd surmise that I probably can't accomplish all of the things on this list today.

No wonder I don't know where to begin.

36 and a half years

On December 27, 2009 My Gram passed away. She was 94 years old. I had known her all my life - 36 and a half years.

When I was a little girl, I don't think anything in my life was as exciting as packing my suitcase to go spend the weekend with her and my Grandpa. I called her "Nana" then. She would have been about 63, and was still working as the Curator of Special Collections at Weber State University.

There is so much about who I am today that I owe to her.

From her I learned magic. I learned stillness. I learned an appreciation of the natural world. She taught me to be at ease in a variety of situations, and always expected me to act my best. She introduced me to writers and painters and architects. I awoke to the smell of coffee and peanut butter and oil paints. She brought me breakfast in a king-size bed with a satin comforter, and I sat there like a princess, with my cloth napkin and heavy wood bed tray, watching the ballet of Romeo and Juliet on PBS. I sat breathless on her porch, overlooking a canyon, waiting as patiently as a 4 year-old can for hummingbirds to visit one of the feeders she had dangling around her back patio, and we picked tiny, juicy, fresh strawberries from the front yard that I would drop into my breakfast cereal.

It was she who first introduced me to theatre, and I remember sitting transfixed at the edge of my seat in a little touristy theatre in Jackson Hole. She taught me to order at restaurants, and the appropriate way to introduce people.

I learned to dance. Not dancing in any kind of recognizable way, but twirling gloriously to music. And books -- always books.

It's not all sunshine and roses, of course. My grandmother could be a very difficult woman. The need for others to see her and her family a certain way colored her interaction with so many people, and made for some very difficult conversations at times. So from her, in a strange way, I also learned authenticity. Her lack of boldness made me bolder. Her need to rewrite history made me confront the realities of my own life.

She wasn't the grandmother who bakes cookies or knits afghans. I think she tried, on occasion, to fit into that role, but it never came naturally to her. I wonder sometimes who she might have been if she allowed herself to live without fear of what others thought of her. In her obituary, it said that she was "Always ready with a plate of warm cookies." I’ve been wondering who wrote that – probably she did! I never knew her to bake cookies. Oatmeal came from little paper packets, biscuits came from a can that popped frighteningly when you hit it on the edge of the counter, and most of her meals came about as a result of many little packages that were torn apart and put together. Still, her twice-baked potatoes were to die for, and oh! the wonderful little dishes she had to put everything in!

When I was 16, and living with her and my grandfather, I once mentioned how much I love the smell and taste of fresh-baked bread, and she went right out (well, my grandfather probably “went right out”, as I never did see her conquer her fear of driving) and bought frozen bread dough. Once a week, at least, I would come home from school to see her taking bread out of the oven.

When I look at pictures of her and my grandfather on one of their trips, I see this woman, this cultured, quirky woman. She's wearing amazing clothes, sipping champagne, and laughing with her friends. I look at those pictures and realize she's in her 50's doing these things, and wonder why, at 36, I constantly berate myself for not doing more with my life.

Looking back, I think that everything in her life was a part of her own personal "Special Collections". I don't think my grandfather would ever have had the career he had if it weren't for her pushing him, organizing his life and his work. It was this pushiness that made her so frustrating to deal with as I (and she!) got older.

I wish so much that her need to rewrite her own history hadn’t been so strong, that she could have told me stories about what her life was REALLY like, and not felt the need to embellish so much that her stories were barely discernable from those in the books she was always giving me. I wish I’d been able to get to know her better, that her pushiness hadn’t pushed me away.

I didn’t speak at her funeral. I wanted to, I didn’t want to, in the end I just felt I couldn’t. I’m still not satisfied with her life. I still don’t have my questions answered, and at the time (recovering from a horrible cold) couldn’t make enough sense of her contradictions to feel comfortable speaking to others about who and what she was.

I guess this is my eulogy for her. It remains unfinished.

All I want for Christmas

My sister asked me last night what I want for Christmas. She said "Mom has no idea". I thought, "What are you talking about? I'm easy! Just look at my wishlist...

And then I looked at my wishlist. Hmm. There's not really anything on there. So I started thinking, and looking, and that was when I realized -- I have everything I need.

Now that's a scary thought. I mean sure, I always want more earrings, and more shoes - because really, what femme girl DOESN'T want more earrings or more shoes? But when I look at my life, for the first time in years - YEARS, people!! - I actually have enough money to cover my needs. This is a new thing for me. It's kind of exciting. And scary.

So the only thing I really want is more hours in the day. I'm working on some fun, exciting stuff, people!!!

I did finally finish some of these, and they are now for sale in my etsy shop.

And here are some works-in-progress:

I have miles to go on this one.



And then there's him. The red was just going to be a base color, but I really like it. I think he just needs some shadowing and a finish coat.


I also have a box half-full of overdue gifts for my family, and I must finish the four things that still need to go into that box so I can ship it -- because it has to be there before Sunday!!!

Here's a look at that pile:


The worst thing is that the person who reminds me to eat and sleep when I get like this is out of town for a week. Which means that the kitchen is a disaster and I'm out of food. So anyone who wants to come clean my house and cook me healthy, delicious meals, is welcome. I'll pay you in yarn! (must. destash.)

So... what do you want for Christmas?

Working working working

Wow, I have been BUSY! I got a full-time job recently and it's amazing how much of a shift it is to go from working about 20 hours a week to working 40 hours a week. I also get up at 4am to be at work by 5:30 and I think my body is still rebelling. The last few nights I haven't gotten much sleep, and I'm baking frantically for the Susan G. Komen bake sale tomorrow at work. I only have about 6 dozen cookies done - and I feel like a slacker!!

In other news, I've been knitting and stuffing madly. I have so many things to finish and so many things to photograph!

Here's a bit of what I've been working on.

I just finished this Boheme for a friends baby:




And I've been working on this for another baby:



And here's a sneak peek of things to come in my etsy shop:



Wondering what it is? You'll just have to wait and see...

Long time no SEA

I hate bad puns, but I couldn't resist.

After five years away from the water, I've finally started doing this again:









If you would also enjoy doing this, you should go here.

Anniversary Dress

Here's the second dress made for Yvonne! This was made for her (new) husband's parents 40th Wedding Anniversary Celebration. I had every intention of taking pictures at the final fitting... but we ended up doing it at my (day) job while I was on my 30-minute lunch break, and snapping photos was the last thing on my mind... So I adjusted a strap, added another little ruched detail at the hem, and sent her on her way. Whew!

She's promised me pics, but until then, here are a few process shots:

This is the underdress. Isn't it pretty? I almost hated to cover it up with the burgundy embroidered rayon. The front piece of the skirt was draped on the bias. I wanted it to skim over the baby belly without adding extra bulk, so I cut the underskirt differently from the overskirt. I don't know if this was a stroke of brilliance or just plain insanity.



And then the overdress. The front was draped in one piece. Again, I didn't want to add unnecessary bulk by putting a seam there. And, again, this may have been a stroke of brilliance or sheer madness.



And here's the detail of the side ruching. (Please ignore the TOTAL DISASTER that is my sewing room. I can't figure out if I am seriously overestimating my abilities or seriously underestimating the amount of time it takes to do things.)



What I will say is that I'm kind of impressed with myself. Between Jessica's Wedding Dress (I just searched my blog and realized that I NEVER posted pictures of this. I wonder if it's because I'm STILL WAITING for the reception photos. [HINT HINT]) So here's a process pic of her wedding dress:



That was ... hmmm... early 2008. MAJOR undertaking. One-of-a-kind, original design, all of the bodice draping was done in one piece, etc etc... Then there was Yvonne's wedding dress, which was a simpler design, but still one-of-a-kind and, again, created entirely by ME. And then the dress above. Each of these dresses has been different, some more difficult than others, but each presented different design challenges and different fabric challenges.

So I guess -- I'm proud of myself? I didn't take draping in college, I muddled along and got some pointers here and there, but most of the time I find myself on a collision course with a deadline and, truth be told, NO FUCKING CLUE what I'm doing. (Scary, no? Notice I don't mention this until AFTER deadlines are met) But I guess I've picked a few things up along the way, because -- SUCCESS! Right? I mean, these dresses look pretty good, don't they?

And I don't want to admit this in a public forum, because I'm presenting myself as a professional, (and I am, dammit!!) But I'm committed to PROCESS and, especially, learning from process. So I want to get on here and admit the mistakes I made. Admit that in one point during the draping of the anniversary dress, I thought that I could drape the underdress in one piece, and that the pleats forming the bust could drape into pleats for the baby belly. Here's a pic:



It's a mess, isn't it? Because it doesn't work that way. And I didn't know that (which is why we drape in muslin!) But I know it now - and not only that, but I UNDERSTAND it now. And I believe that there's a lot of value in that!

So I'll continue being honest. That's ok, right?

Isn't she lovely?

The lovely Yvonne, in her non-traditional wedding dress. She selected the fabric, I draped, patterned, and sewed it.









Whew! Someday I'll tell you how, the day before the wedding, I was pressing seams and melted all the clear elastic that was in the back part of the dress (I used clear elastic because I wanted to play with the sheerness, and didn't want to see white elastic through the sheer overlay) and had to re-thread it all the night before the wedding, which meant rushing the dress down the hallway to the Bride's hotel room minutes before she left for the wedding! I didn't tell her this, of course.

And thanks to Jules for deciding we should stay in the hotel across the street from the venue, even though we only live 20 miles away. This also helped post-wedding, after we'd consumed as much alcohol as possible in a 4-hour period. (At the request of the Bride & Groom, I might add. Half of their guests don't drink, and they wanted to get their moneys worth! And no, you WON'T be seeing those pictures!)

Busy!

drink:




eat:




dress:



dress:



dress:



sleep:



(okay, yes, that's Xander sleeping, but trust me - he's a helluva lot cuter than me sleeping! Plus I think it's adorable that he plants himself wherever I've been the most - so since I've been doing a lot of sewing lately, he's curled up by my sewing machine. And I know I promised not to post too many pictures of my cats, but COME ON! That's freaking adorable!)


Occasionally I even knit:


Okay, so I haven't photographed any of that lately. Hey, did I mention I've also been working full-time at my temp job? Yikes!

Working from Home

This is how my mornings usually go when I'm working from home. I get up at around 7 (okay, 7:30) and get some coffee and turn on my computer. I open Firefox and my mail, and I've already drunk the first cup of coffee, so I get another cup (and manage to drink this one slowly). I spend approximately two hours doing mostly useless stuff on the computer machine. Some of it isn't so useless, but it's mostly checking out recaps on TWOP, making snarky comments on other peoples' status messages on Facebook, and catching up on the latest inanity on HuffPost.

At some point, I realize that I am hungry, and I spend 20 minutes trying to find something to eat that doesn't require any actual preparation. By the time I realize that I need to actually prepare something, I give up and have a bowl of cereal. By this time, it's 10:30 and I'm awake enough to try to get some work done.

Four hours later, I'm still in my pajamas, I'm hungry again, I haven't brushed my teeth, and my feet hurt because I'm standing there barefoot. I'm also not being very productive, because I haven't put my contacts in, and it's amazing how inefficient you can be when you can't see what you're doing.

New plan: one cup of coffee, oatmeal, brush teeth wash face get dressed put in contacts and go to work! I'll let you know how it turns out.

I'm making a Hawaiian wedding dress for a friend of mine whose wedding is the 30th of this month. She's pregnant, so the plan is to make a dress that can be quickly and easily altered if necessary, and that gives room for the baby belly. She lives in Houston, so fittings are tricky. She flew in last week for a first fitting, and although I took photos for my reference, she really doesn't want pics of what she calls "The Casper Dress" (because the mock-up is in white muslin) being shared, and of course I respect that!

So here's a pictorial diary of the process, sans human body:

First off, padding my size 6 dress form to resemble an actual human woman (as opposed to an LA actor-size woman.)

First, I used an old tee as the base for the padding:



Then added a layer of batting over that:



And then tacked the batting to the tee using a really long whipstitch:



I then draped a fitted sloper in muslin and sewed it into shape:



And fitted it over the padding, safety pinning the back and adding a bra in the size of my client:



I padded it out to a standard size 12, so that I can use it again. Then I can customize the hips, bustline, and waist to the size of the person I'm draping for. For this one, I am also adding a "baby belly" section.

At some point I'll put a zipper in and finish the raw edges so the entire thing is encased, but right now I am working on the wedding dress!

Draping it was so much fun! I love being able to throw fabric on a form and be able to see right away what it looks like, as opposed to flat pattern drafting. The first fitting went pretty well, and now I'm adjusting the pattern and doing a second mock-up. The challenge here is that I won't see the bride again until three days before the wedding, so I'm putting seams in strategic places and building room into them. We've also done an elasticized back -- similar to a sundress -- both for her comfort and to allow for any changes her body may go through in the next few weeks.

This is such a challenge, and so much fun! I'll be posting followup pics as I get them done.

Spoiled again!

Gentle Readers,
It's been a long long while since I posted here, and for that I offer my sincere apologies. And now I have so much to blog about (the Final Four, the massive [to me] amounts of money I spent on yarn while in St Louis for the Final Four, the Final Four!, the wedding dress I'm making [GULP!], my latest adventures in knitting, the Whedon-stalking that I'm hoping to kick into high gear later this year, and of course my deep and abiding love for parentheses) that I don't even know where to begin!

But the incredible generosity of my spoiler in the Ravelry Warm-Ewe-Up Winter Swap cannot go another minute without being acknowledged!



Y'all, "WOW" does not even begin to cover it. Underneath all the goodies is a knitting needles roll-up bag from Katie Fleck Designs which happens to match the boxy bag and the zippered bag that I received in two previous packages. This is so great!!! A place to put my needles! And I love the pattern of the fabric. I take the boxy bag with me everywhere I go, it's absolutely perfect and I love it so much. I'm so excited to add the needle case to it.

This is the first best:

I love how she used little post-its to cover up the parts of her message that referred to the stuff I may not have opened yet! Isn't that great? Because of course I tore open the card immediately because I couldn't WAIT to find out who it was! And she of course knew that I would do that!

And the spoiler is: mobarger!

Ok, so last month when I got package #2, I got a little obsessed with trying to figure out who my spoiler was, and I narrowed it down to about 4 peeps in the group, but I kept going back to mobarger. She farms full-time in upstate NY and also works full- time and STILL manages to find time to knit. That's inspirational.

Also, there must be something in my genetic memory (both sets of grandparents grew up on farms) that makes me long for a farm. It's completely unrealistic given my career choice, but I still fantasize about living on a small farm. Oh, I know it's an obscene amount of work, that's why it's a FANTASY! But I was pretty darn excited - word of warning to Mo -- I'm coming to visit you someday! I think it was the pics of the roosters that did me in. That and having read BOTH The Omnivore's Dilemma and Animal, Vegetable, Miracle in the past year has made me really think about where food comes from, and why oh why we are so OK with the industrialized process from which so much of our "food" comes from in this country.

But that's a rant for another day.

Now for the close-ups!

Lovely Linen Yarn. My mind is spinning with the possibilities!



SCHAEFER!!! I've been lusting after this in various yarn stores for months. I must be psychic or something because every time I've decided, regretfully, not to purchase any. And LOOK! I'm being rewarded for my restraint:



TREATS!



Look at all those tiny little chocolate sheep! And my two favorite kinds of chocolate bars: cherry & almond in dark chocolate and ginger in dark chocolate. YUM YUM YUM! Yes, you can see I cracked right into one of those already.

In the back is a mug from the Ithaca Coffee Company (it has a rooster on it! How cool is that??!!) with BEANS from Ithaca Coffee Company - it smells HEAVENLY. This morning my roommate was about to pour me some coffee and I yelled "NOOOOOOO!" and ran into my studio where I had just photographed everything (yes, I actually photographed everything BEFORE COFFEE. Does that tell you how excited I am?) and had to get my new mug and wash it so I could use it.

yes, I am a five-year-old.

THREE - count 'em, THREE patterns - two for socks (hooray for socks!) one of which teaches the toe-up method on one circular -- which I've been dying to learn! She also sent me some gorgeous sock needles to replace the ones I broke. And some lovely lovely little bits: a tiny little ornament with a sheep on it, a sticker from Ithaca Coffee Company, and a vinyl sticker that says "knitgirl"



I feel like I'm in that lovely state of bliss that you get after a well-prepared meal and a few glasses of wine. This was my first yarn swap and I feel so very lucky to have gotten Mo. She got to know me SO WELL and obviously took the time to pick through my blog and my wishlist and find things I would really love and appreciate - and many things I needed as well. Her generosity leaves me speechless.

Ok, not speechless, because that would never happen.

Mo, thank you so much.

ETA: Did anyone else notice that the colors of the knitting organizers and the colors of the yarns I just got match the colors I've selected for my blog? Is Mo really that clever, or is that just a coincidence? Inquiring minds want to know!